Time Lord Technology
by Mae Equinox
Summary: Ford, Arthur, Zaphod, Trillian and Marvin are about to be dunked into coffee like sponge fingers by a perfectly safe Haggunennon, or are they? 10th Doctor, so allons-y. I don't own anything. Enjoy the 'fic!


"It's not a chair, and those aren't headrests," The Doctor shouted at the 5 companions, stood around the Haggunennon waking up from its slumber. "Come on, follow me," The Doctor signalled, pressing a button on his sonic screwdriver and aiming it vaguely in the general's direction. "Well, come on, don't hang about," he exclaimed, trailing off down a corridor, with Zaphod, Arthur, Ford, Trillian and Marvin not far behind.

"Look, who are you?" Ford shouted from near the back of the party.

"The Doctor," The Doctor answered.

"Hey look man, you can't just turn up here unannounced and expect to save us, I mean, I had plans." Zaphod snapped.

"Well, what?" The Doctor asked puzzled, taking a stop from running to turn around and look into one of Zaphod's faces.

"I for one am very happy you decided to come and save us," The Doctor looked at Arthur then too and silently labelled him as the Mickey of the group before punching a hot water bottle in the face and resuming his run.

"Allons-y! You guys get to the Tardis while I create a diversion."

"Don't you want the robot to do that?" Arthur interjected.

"What if he gets left behind? I've got nothing to leave him," The Doctor said.

"That hasn't stopped us before," Zaphod pointed out.

"Oh, please don't feel you have to worry about me," Marvin grumbled.

"Alright then, back to the plan," The Doctor continued, "get back to the Tardis," he said, pointing down a dark corridor and straightening his tie as the others left him to the sea of polar bears and garden furniture, complete with swing chair and Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster on ice, standing and growling at the man in the suit, brown trench coat and white trainers.

Their footsteps echoed as they entered the entry bay and looked around for the Tardis.

"Hey look guys, there it is," Ford said, "I've never actually seen one of these," he walked up to the blue wood and stroked its surface.

"Well, is that it?" Zaphod asked, "It's just a big blue box."

"A police phone box? It's way too small to even..." Arthur started.

"Just get in, will you?" Trillian shrieked as a few mattresses wormed their way, flolloping and vollueing in a very unmattress like manner toward the box.

The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy opened up and started to speak in the silence.

"_TARDIS stands for Time And Relative Dimension in Space, and simply allows the user to travel from any point in the universe to any other point in the universe in time as well as space, thus allowing you to easily make changes to the past to alter the future in a compact and well camouflaged form for ease of use. It works as a chameleon to change into any known structure to fit into its surroundings and it is interesting to note that The Encyclopedia Galactica used this so as to sue cereal companies for copyright infringement of their own work, camouflaged as a retro cereal box from the planet Earth. See page 259,461._

_The origin of this machine is the planet Gallifrey, the home world of the Time Lords. Time Lords are a very proud and noble race with an awful sense of time keeping. They are notoriously tricky creatures to hold down to a lunch date, and one should avoid an invitation at any cost. Their planet was rich in beauty and knowledge, but because of this, they became very vain and supercilious. To see information on the Time War go to pages 350,956 through to 350,963._

_If you happen to come across a Tardis in one of its many forms, then a Time Lord should not be too far behind. But one should take into account the Time Lord Technology: Tardis' are in fact, bigger on the inside, and a Time Lord will take offence if this is not one of your first comments on entering his or her vessel. They are very few and far between and so if you wish to stay with one, the key is to be as flattering as possible."_

"Ahh," Arthur said, "We may have a problem there."

"What's wrong now earthman, my head aches and you are all up in my face, it's just not cool dude," Zaphod grumbled.

"Well, quite. But I am currently squished a little between one of your two heads, Trillian's left arm and Ford's right leg, and I think I just heard it rumble," Arthur explained quietly. "Didn't the Guide just say it was meant to be ever so slightly _bigger_ on the inside? Anyone?"


End file.
